Krychek: The reluctant B grade Hero
by Fictionnaire
Summary: Bad puns, cute bums, alot of blood and an anti-hero can only mean one thing... You're in the B-Grade genre.


_**The DemonSouls**_

_As all of you know, my name's Alex Krychek. For some amount of time, I managed to stay out of trouble but don't get me wrong people… I wasn't doing nothing. I was taking care of things. Out there saving the world from things and now I can talk about it. People still see me as a villain but I think after I share my experiences that opinion shall change._

**The DemonSouls:**

Krychek was so relieved to be away from the syndicate and working as a freelance hero. That was something he was best at, even if nobody agreed with him. But nobody ever got into the hero business to make friends right? Well Krychek didn't, he didn't do anything to make friends because he did them for humanity's best interest.

"There is a disturbance in space." The man said as he pointed to the mono-colored screen. It wasn't even black and white.

"Bet you can't even put an Atari on that screen." Krychek leaned over and talked to the woman sitting next to him. She laughed hysterically and the top button of her shirt came off. Nobody in the room acted like they noticed.

Everyone else ignored the comment, "Anyway, we have what has been called a Galactic Halo Vortex."

"What the hell is that?" Krychek asked.

The man read from a couple of papers from his desk, "A Galactic Halo Vortex is similar to that of a whirlpool in water except for the fact that it's reversed and instead of sucking things into it blows things out in a whirling fashion. It usually occurs when a comet hits the gravitational pull of stars and shards are now headed towards Earth at an astronomical speed."

"How large are these shards?" The woman next to him asked.

"They're about five to ten meters in diameter at this point of time." The man answered.

"Why should that be of any concern to us?" Krychek asked, "By the time it reaches Earth there wouldn't be enough left to cause any hassles except for the poor sap who's waiting right underneath it."

"Because we believe that materials contained in these fragments maybe of some importance to mankind's defense against alien invasion."

Krychek's interest peaked he was only half listening up until now, "What's the material?"

"Tellurite." He answered.

"Yea, you can tell me right now."

"I just told you… Tellurite." The man replied, "We're not sure what the material looks like though."

"Then how are we suppose to know it when we come across it." Were people really that thick?

"Well it'll look Telluritey wouldn't it?" The man said, "Damnit Alex Krychek, we brought you into this organization because you're the best at getting things done."

_Amateurs!_

* * *

That's what Krychek thought this organization was. Well his team was assembled for him which consisted of a dangerous cocktail of no-futures and no brains. Well if the situation becomes dire at least they'll become good cannon fodder. The only thing that was worth mentioning was the longhaired blonde that seemed to never want to leave his side.

"So what brought you to this shithole?" Krychek asked Bambi.

"The bus silly." Bambi answered.

_Jesus Christ!_ Krychek cursed, she couldn't be serious. The army jeep bounced around which started to give him a pounding headache that wasn't helped by the fact that his head kept bouncing off the roof, _Couldn't the company afford a truck with shock absorbers._ Krychek felt like he was at a company that believed in a shoestring budget. There were reports of a small meteorite crashing near an old country town.

"Alright people." Krychek said loudly, "I want you to set up a perimeter around the area and get these onlookers out of here." He ordered.

Everybody quickly obeyed as they walked around the area bagging any sign of foreign rock they could find and then switched to trying to find anything that looked remotely foreign. But there was nothing that could be even classed as remotely Telluritey.

"Hey pick that up." Krychek yelled to Bambi. He licked his lips as Bambi bent over carefully pointing her cute little butt in his direction, "Nice." He said.

She put the stuff in the bag and put into the back of the truck.

"We should go into town." Krychek said, "They might have found something and brought them back there."

"Alright." Joe said to him and the team of five walked into the town.

The town looked like a ghost town and it was so bad looking that it didn't even have a name. No legible one anyway since dust covered every inch of the godforsaken town.

"There doesn't look like anybody's home." Celine observed.

"There's someone." Bambi jumped up and down, Krychek had murdered people in cold blood before, so doing it again wouldn't be too much hassle, "Hey… Mister." She called out as she jogged to the man's direction. He could see her little butt doing the bouncy dance.

"I got a bad feeling about this." Krychek said as he, Joe and Robert moved their heads to one side and watched the butt jiggling.

Bambi stood still and screamed her lungs out and ran back towards the team with arms flailing all over the place. She began screaming as she ran, Krychek held out a hand to stop her running and screaming but his hand only managed to grab her shirt and it soon tore off exposing the mini bikini she had on that only just managed to cover the nipples of her breast. She continued screaming, "What's gotten into her." Joe said.

The man that had sent Bambi into a frightened frenzy approached the four member team, "I, am from the other side of Nebuli." The man said.

"So?" Krychek failed to see the importance of this revelation.

"We are space demons looking for fresh souls to harvest." The man licked his lips, "You're on the menu. I will swallow your soul."

"Swallow this." Krychek fired two rounds into the man/creature's head. This caused an explosion of blood which almost covered all of Krychek's face and the mancreature began stumbling around with blood spitting out from the bullet wounds and it finally fell to the ground twitching.

"Everybody, back to the truck and load up with weapons." Krychek said as they all began running towards the truck.

"Wait for me!" The familiar scream of Bambi came flooding over the landscape, "Wait up!" She screamed, "Oww."

Her trousers became entangled in a low hanging branch of a tree. She was too panic stricken to think clearly so she just continued to run. The trousers were ripped off from her legs and left hanging on the branch exposing her silky black knickers.

"Keep looking at her like that Alex and everyone will stop assuming you're gay." Krychek mumbled to himself.

"Why can't we just leave?" Joe asked.

"We have to find out what happened." Robert said.

"The hell we do." Joe jumped in the car and started the engine… But the engine refused to roar to life, "Goddamnit." He shouted.

"That settles it." Krychek said, "Grab as much weaponry as you can."

Bambi held an M 16 from her exposed waist, pointing at the sky, "I haven't held a gun this big in such a long time." Bambi said.

The guys looked at each other then back at Bambi. Girls in bikinis with big guns was exciting in many ways, "Right first we should go into town and find a vehicle." Krychek said, "Let's move out." He used his shirt to wipe as much blood off his face as possible. They walked into town like a crack team of commandos like they were suppose to be. They just didn't have the equipment or the right people for that kind of job.

"Souuuuuls." They heard a moan, "I smell souuuuuuls."

"Shoot them in the head." Krychek said. The mancreature did what looked like the robot dance before it fell to the ground.

"There's a car." Joe managed to say before a womancreature got hold of him and sucked white smoke out from Joe's mouth. He screamed until his lifeless body fell into a dead heap.

Krychek used his shotgun and blasted a whole in the middle of her face, "Come on." He called to Robert, "Where's Celine?" He asked.

She was nowhere to be found. As if she'd vanished from the face of the Earth, "This is not good… not good… not good!" Robert cried out.

"Pull yourself together." Krychek slapped the crying man, "Come on. We don't need you losing it right now."

"I'm sorry." Robert sniffled.

"Look out!" Bambi shouted, "The whole town's coming." She screamed out pointing towards the oncoming traffic.

"Run." Krychek stated as they tried to run and fire at the same time. But that wasn't going to well and the group was gaining.

"There's a pickup." Krychek said, "You two get your guns and stand on the back… I'll drive and all you'll have to do is fire at them."

It was almost a miracle that the car started and they began driving around while Robert and Bambi shot at the mancreatures as they zoomed by. He took them to the army truck when it was night time.

"What happened to Robert?" Krychek asked as they started packing stuff into the pickup truck.

"He fell off the back of the truck you know." Bambi replied as she stepped into the pickup truck and they rode off into the sunset.

"You know that wasn't really too bad." Krychek said with a smile.

"It was ok… But can I tell you something Alex?" Bambi asked.

"You can tell me anything Bambi." Krychek answered.

"I want to eat your souuuuul." Bambi said in an erotic voice.

Krychek screamed as he reached over for the shotgun and blew off Bambi's head which then Bambi's neck decided to spit blood all over him. He stopped the truck and threw the lifeless body of Bambi into the dirt, "Guess you won't be swallowing anything anytime soon." Krychek said, "This is why I hate women."

* * *

"Here's your precious stuff." Krychek dumped the bag of stuff found, "Hope it was worth it."

"What happened to you?" The boss asked noting that Krychek was almost covered from head to toe in blood, "Where are the others."

"Oh nothing much… Just ran into some space-soul-eating-demons from Nebuli." Krychek answered, "I think they're all gone."

Krychek left the office and continued home. The boss just watched him leave wondering what the hell happened to him.

"I want to eat your souuuul!" A voice in the darkness said.


End file.
